vent.

I can't fucking take this shit. Things JUST start being decent between my grandmother and I and Jon comes back and she goes directly back to treating me like I'm a worthless piece of shit, then they wonder why I'm so fucking jealous of him. I tried being honest with her and telling her how hard it is for me to keep positive, or even to keep myself from thinking about dying and she rolls her fucking eyes at me and says "here we go again." I could barely handle this crap when I had my meds to help me, and now I don't even have that little bit to help. Nobody in this family fucking gives two shits that I fucking struggle to make it through every single goddamn day, they think I'm just being over dramatic and making things up. I've been wondering if maybe committing myself would help lately. That's how goddamn bad it's gotten, I'm considering having myself locked away until I can fucking learn to deal with myself, and they fucking blow it off.