Hate

Hate

I am livid. I am sickened. I am saddened. I am a whole vast plethora of negative emotions that I don't even know the names for. I am, mostly, dissapointed in humanity.

My close friend and I were at the bar last night. The Horse was pretty slow for a saturday, which early in the evening was a subject for complaint...as the night wore on it ended up being a blessing in disguise. For the most part it was a normal Saturday night albeit the aforementioned slowness, the usual shows, then dancing and all around just gay people out enjoying the company of people like us, not to mention the straight friends that we welcome and don't discriminate against...although as it turns out that favor was not to be returned this particular Saturday night. Now, before I delve into what actually happened, let me just say that to some this event may seem small, a prank really...and I suppose it could be rightfully viewed as such by those who have never experienced hate. To me however, and the maybe 75 other people there it was a blow, both physically and to who we all are as people. That said...it was pretty close to close. My friend and I were actually working our way to the door, she wanted to stop to finish her drink so we went back to our table. I was walking down the stairs as she finished the last few swallows and I glanced up to see someone running towards the dance floor. It was the security gaurd, Bird. The next thing I know she and a handful of others are running back away from the dance floor covering their faces and hunkered down. Backing up the stairs trying to assess what had just happened it hit me also. First my nose started burning and as that happened I broke for the door knowing what it was. By the time I made it outside I, along with half of the people in the club were in various forms of wheezing, coughing, hacking, vomiting and heaving. Not one of us could stop our eyes from burning and pouring tears. And let me say, I have problems with no one, sex, race, sexual orientation, religion or any other status they may have..so my next comment is not me profiling someone or stereotyping them, it is simply me giving a description. A skinny white straight boy came up into our club...where as everyone is, he was welcomed with open arms...he paid his entrance, walked up to Bird and maced her in the eyes, after which he took off running like a chump. No real reason, no explanation, and if there WAS some beef he had he didn't even handle it in a respectable manner. Instead he took whatever his problem was and made it EVERYONE in the bar's problem also. Now let me remind anyone who may read this and may be thinking "well so?" or "It was just mace". A few years back, a smallish club in Chicago IL. Someone pepper sprayed someone else. The end result? A panic which lead to twenty one people dead, trampeled to death in an attempt to get out the door and find relief in the fresh air outside. Therein lies the blessing of last night. Had the Seahorse been filled to capacity like it is most Sat. nights the very same situation as in the club in Chicago very possibly and most probably could have arisen. Not to mention the fact that in the crowd there were asthmatics. While I don't know the severity of their conditions I do know this. Had my fiance been there with us as I had been wishing on the phone with her a few hours prior, she would have been in need of immediate medical attention. As it was, I was unsure if I would need an ER myself.

Sadly, this is not the first attack on this small, nondescript club on Western Av. Aside from the arson that was well before my time, no more than two years ago there was a life snuffed out in front of the club. Once again...it was a hate crime. A young male was shot because he was gay. Simply because he loved differently than those on the other side of the gun.

I guess when it comes down to it, this whole entry was written in hopes that by going back through it I could answer the question that has been running through my head since it cleared enough for me to think last night.

WHY?

Really, Why?

Unfortunately...I don't think there is an answer to my question.