Collected Poetry II: The lost archives

As the title implies, these are my poems from the mid to late 90's that I thought were lost. I happened to find a box of floppy discs when condensing my things yesterday and lo and behold, there they were, on a nondescript disc. After many overjoyed squees and a bit of editing (apparently I wasn't such a stickler for grammar and spelling back then), I present them to you. Welcome to the mind of an undiagnosed Bi-polar teenage cutter. -_-

Blind Love

Touching, holding, caressing

These things are clear in my mind

Loving, kissing, romancing

If you can’t see this, you must be blind

Drifting, roaming, wishing

But still you hurt me, causing my heart to break

Swearing, yelling, crying

But, no, I know this wasn’t a mistake

Missing, wanting, yearning

After all you’ve done

I still love you blindly

Aimee Bell 1997

***

Chosen

Friends are the family

chosen by the heart

tied with bonds so tight

they'll never come apart

few are ever chosen

to come into my life

many are the ones

who have only twisted the knife

but you, my sweet friend

have showed me you're sincere

you're of my chosen family now

and in my heart you're always near

so, if you ever need me

just look deep inside your heart

I'll always be there with you

and there we'll never be apart

Aimee Bell 3-22-98

***

Does the moon

does the moon know

what my heart feels

does it hear my silent cries

screamed wordlessly in the night

do the stars hear my hopes and dreams

die of neglect and misuse

or does the dark absorb it all

diffuse it into the air

and then give way to light and day

forgotten by all but one

Aimee Bell 3-21-98

***

In your eyes

Those three words

come so easy to me

But to you there unspeakable

Sometimes I think you just don't care

But your actions make me see

The way you look into my eyes

Your fingers in my hair

It comes as no shock to me

That when i gaze into your eyes

I see those three words there

Aimee Bell 1997

***

Invade

An intrusion

of the soul -

body -

mind -

feelings never felt

never wanna feel again

close the

doors -

my heart

is

cold

my body

barren

invaded

Aimee Bell 3-21-98

***

Misunderstood

Pain runs - deep - rooted fears

scalding tears fall - unheard -

fists balled tight turn inward -

pain turns to anger turns to hate -

hate turns to depression -

depression lingers -

pain hurts - good - blood will run -

calm comes unseen - unheard - undetected -

calm brings blackness -

with blackness comes understanding -

understood to late

Aimee Bell 3-21-98

***

Scarred

You threw me down

Onto the shag carpet

You forced yourself on me

And told me I’d like it

You ripped me wide open

With your probing body

And hit my face

Each time I cried out in pain

And after you reached your climax

You spat on my face

And left me lying there, bleeding

With a lifetime of scars

that will never heal

Aimee Bell

1994

***

In Between

Love is non-existent

Hate lives in its place

And where the beautiful thoughts once lived

Is now only empty space

Rage kills happiness

Pain kills dreams

And here I am

Stuck somewhere in between

Aimee Bell 1999

***

Untitled 3

Eyes wide closed

falling to deep

to fast

to far

feelings fly by

twisted

entertwined

confused

Eyes open tight

truth

just beyond reach

hides tauntingly

quietly slips by

is it a feeling

never yet felt

or a phantom

from the past

back

to haunt again

Aimee Bell 3-21-98

***

Untitled 2

Your eyes

Deep as the ocean

Tell the truth

Words unspoken

Lie

Just below the surface

Will you

Ever

Speak these words

to me?

Aimee Bell 3-22-98

***

Wander

Wandering lost afraid

Alone

Through this nightmare

Called life

Days passing by

Sand through the fingers

Slipping away

Monotonus repetition

It’s all the same

Drugs ease the pain

Make it all better

Until it’s not

Other means of making it

All go away

Come to mind

But thoughts are fleeting

Friends are there

And then

They’re not

You can’t rely on anything

Even yourself

Aimee Bell 10-11-99